wishful thinking..

i so wish not to be alone.

and it isn't a depressing kind of alone..

its just lonely, i guess.

i find myself missing people who aren't around..

i find myself thinking about things of the past..

and it makes me feel lonely.

i so wish to find some real happiness.

i'm happy.

but i know for a fact that i am not TRULY happy.

i don't have some things in my life that i wish i did,

and i know i have no control over it.

i know i need to trust the Lord in order to really be happy.

because i know one day that happiness will find me.

and i should stop trying to find it.

no matter how much sadness i have,

i should always find a reason to be happy.

 no matter who is bothering me, or who is putting me down..

or even who makes me feel weak and fragile.

i need to have enough faith to become stronger.

and... i'm scared.

sure, i'll admit i'm terrified of being happy.

because i am so used to feeling like i have nothing out here.

a friend, to find love, be confident.

those are my goals.. and i hope that i can learn to be brave

and fulfill them.

i know someday my prince will come..

and i will be ready for it.

lets just try to get through this college thing first..

then we will see where the wind blows me.

who knows.?

Love, Erin

forever..

seren.brinley.lexie

can't wait to see you :)

love you forever,

erin

sobs sobs sobs..

because..

we just finished watching a chick flick marathon.

it literally was all day long.

we started with ever after..

then dirty dancing..

then the prince and me

and finally,

we finished it off with titanic..

saddest movie EVER.

i cried, and i cried.

i always do.

well onto a more cheerful note..



i'm trying to figure out what to be for halloween this year.

so here are a couple of my ideas:

#1: Hermione Granger

#2: A Pirate Girl

these are an idea of what i'm going for..

I think this one would be way fun!

& finally.. this one:

#3: Elizabeth Swann/Old Fashion Girl

like i did last year..

I'm officially taking votes..

because i can't decide what i want to do..

haha.

love always..

Love, Erin

confrontation..

i hate it.

i understand that it is necessary to speak what your thinking..

and i understand that i need to stand up for myself & what i think..

but for some reason..

i can't do it.

i feel like it would be too pressing, lots of hurt and drama.

drama is the thing i hate the most.

i don't want it.

yet, it seems to follow me everywhere.. even to Ephraim.

grr.

i wish i was brave enough .. but i'm not.

i don't think i ever will be.

and .. its upsetting.

i need my mom.

i can't do anything without her.

most people say that they're mom is their best friend.

well, my mom is mine.

but not just a best friend.. she listens to me.

she guides me through the hard things.

when i didn't go to school last year,

i did EVERYTHING with her.

we watched 80's movies, and always went shopping.

and i miss that.

i miss her.

i miss home.

and i don't want to be here.

sometimes i feel like she is the only friend i have.

and it makes me homesick.

i just don't want to be here and..

even though she tells me i should tough it out..

i honestly am not strong enough to stay.

i don't want to sound like i absolutely hate it  here.

cause i don't.

i have great roomates and we have so much fun.

but lately..

not so much for me.

things are not good.

and i don't think anyone knows it.

i wish i could do this.. but i honestly don't know if i can.

i don't want to lose myself..

or what i believe..

or what i stand for.

i WILL NOT let it happen...

but i'm just scared of it.

i know its times like this i HAVE to turn to my Savior.

and i know that is all i can do..

its just nice to vent every once in a while..

Love, Erin

these men..

will be mine.

(ha, i atleast want someone like them)

Darren Criss.

Paul Wesley.

David.

Oh, I will make it happen.

I need a Jim Halpert in my life.

I know it seems cliche..

But just look at that smile.

I need a Jim Clancy in my life.

If only.

Flynn..

He is the most attractive cartoon I've ever seen.

& finally..

He will always be worthy to marry me :)

and one day he will..

haha.

If only right?

Oh, well.. its fun to pretend sometimes  :P

Love, Erin