confrontation..

i hate it.

i understand that it is necessary to speak what your thinking..

and i understand that i need to stand up for myself & what i think..

but for some reason..

i can't do it.

i feel like it would be too pressing, lots of hurt and drama.

drama is the thing i hate the most.

i don't want it.

yet, it seems to follow me everywhere.. even to Ephraim.

grr.

i wish i was brave enough .. but i'm not.

i don't think i ever will be.

and .. its upsetting.

i need my mom.

i can't do anything without her.

most people say that they're mom is their best friend.

well, my mom is mine.

but not just a best friend.. she listens to me.

she guides me through the hard things.

when i didn't go to school last year,

i did EVERYTHING with her.

we watched 80's movies, and always went shopping.

and i miss that.

i miss her.

i miss home.

and i don't want to be here.

sometimes i feel like she is the only friend i have.

and it makes me homesick.

i just don't want to be here and..

even though she tells me i should tough it out..

i honestly am not strong enough to stay.

i don't want to sound like i absolutely hate it  here.

cause i don't.

i have great roomates and we have so much fun.

but lately..

not so much for me.

things are not good.

and i don't think anyone knows it.

i wish i could do this.. but i honestly don't know if i can.

i don't want to lose myself..

or what i believe..

or what i stand for.

i WILL NOT let it happen...

but i'm just scared of it.

i know its times like this i HAVE to turn to my Savior.

and i know that is all i can do..

its just nice to vent every once in a while..

Love, Erin