wishful thinking..

i so wish not to be alone.

and it isn't a depressing kind of alone..

its just lonely, i guess.

i find myself missing people who aren't around..

i find myself thinking about things of the past..

and it makes me feel lonely.

i so wish to find some real happiness.

i'm happy.

but i know for a fact that i am not TRULY happy.

i don't have some things in my life that i wish i did,

and i know i have no control over it.

i know i need to trust the Lord in order to really be happy.

because i know one day that happiness will find me.

and i should stop trying to find it.

no matter how much sadness i have,

i should always find a reason to be happy.

 no matter who is bothering me, or who is putting me down..

or even who makes me feel weak and fragile.

i need to have enough faith to become stronger.

and... i'm scared.

sure, i'll admit i'm terrified of being happy.

because i am so used to feeling like i have nothing out here.

a friend, to find love, be confident.

those are my goals.. and i hope that i can learn to be brave

and fulfill them.

i know someday my prince will come..

and i will be ready for it.

lets just try to get through this college thing first..

then we will see where the wind blows me.

who knows.?

Love, Erin